The African perspective on coping with the loss of a family member
By tumkumbuke.com · Published on 28 Feb 2025, 4:51 p.m.
The article explores how different African cultures cope with the loss of a family member through funeral rituals and ceremonies. It highlights the universal role of funerals in marking the transition of both the deceased and the bereaved, helping individuals confront grief rather than suppress it.
Introduction
The loss of a family member is one of the most difficult experiences to go through, regardless of your age, gender, race or nationality. Cultures are as varied and as colourful as the species of flowers. However, one common denominator in most cultures is the funeral as a way of marking the transition of the deceased into the next world and of the bereaved still in this world into a life without the person who has died. Funerals - and the related ceremonies - memorialize the deceased and provide the bereaved an opportunity to look the loss in the face rather than live in denial.
They say a problem shared is a problem halved. The same could be said about grief. This article will highlight the African perspective of coping with the loss of a family member.
Coping with loss: Examples from African cultures
Among the Baganda of Uganda, East Africa, olumbe, that is the state of mourning or ‘death’ was ended by a ceremony known as okwaabya olumbe which means ‘destroying death’. A day before the ceremony, the family, friends and well-wishers camp at the designated venue for a vigil. A meeting takes place where the heir is discussed and his responsibilities and duties are outlined. All this serves to clear any potential confusion or misunderstandings that may come up when the heir is being installed during the ceremony. This is an important way of coping with the loss of a loved one. It ensures that there is order and that there is a sense of continuity in the family. From this example, we can see that it is helpful to embrace rituals and ceremonies since they help the bereaved to mark the transition, to get rid of denial and to begin the process of moving on.
The Nyau Society among the Chewa of Malawi had masquerade ceremonies complete with death masks to commemorate death and other important social occasions. Of those who have died, specific people are given remembrance dances one year to several years after their deaths. These people include chiefs, the female Namkunawi of the chief, and any other senior members of Chewa society. The Nyau demonstrate that remembering the deceased loved one is part of the healing process. This can be done in creative ways such as dances, poems, paintings, sculptures, movies, songs, even taking a trip around the world if you can, the way Jinna Yang did, with a cardboard cutout of her deceased father.
The Luo of Kenya named their children after the dead believing that this was one of the best ways to keep their memory alive. Village Volunteers (link) inform us that “Luo names refer to forces or spirits that exist beyond the immediate presence of life on earth. When individuals are deceased, they are referred to as the spirits of the ancestors.” Respecting elders is an important aspect of Luo culture and this can be seen even in the funeral rituals. The Luo slaughter cattle to celebrate the death of an elder. It is no accident that all across Kenya, there are people, places and/or things named after deceased, celebrated elders. We have Tom Mboya Street, Haile Selassie Avenue, the Wangari Maathai Institute for Peace and Environmental Studies and many others.
Cremation is an important ritual to the Indian Hindu community. Traditionally, most Kenyans transport their dead back to their home village, to the ancestral home, so as to perform ritual and religious burial rights. However, for the Kenyan Hindus, cremation is the preferred ritual. This ancient ritual has been performed in Kenya since the arrival of the first Hindus in the early 1900s. Requirements for cremation include ghee, sesame seeds, incense sticks and white or red pieces of cloth for covering the body. In Kenya the deceased can be cremated on an open firewood pyre. Ghee speeds the burning, which takes about two and half hours. The ash of the crushed bones of the deceased are then handed to the family of the deceased in an urn. To the typical African, cremation is the exception rather than the norm but it is important to respect other people’s rituals even if they are different from yours.
The Shona and the Ndebele of Zimbabwe built shrines for the spirit of the dead in their homes. Their bringing home ceremony involves returning the spirit of the deceased back into the family home one year or more after death, to become protecting ancestors. It is believed that if these particular rituals are not performed so as to return the spirits of the dead, then the spirits would be angry and/or troubled which would lead to family or personal misfortunes. The Shona and the Ndebele teach us that it is important to commemorate our loved ones death anniversary. This can be done by sharing happy memories and remembering all the good times we had with our loved ones.
Conclusion
There is no one way or formula for coping with the loss of a loved one. Each individual should be allowed to grieve in their own way and at their own pace. Africa's rich cultural heritage gives rise to a great variety in how the dead are given their final respects by their loved ones. This article only touched on five. Space and time does not allow us to describe the Amaxhosa of South Africa, the Ibo of Nigeria and the Abaluhya of Western Kenya, all of which illustrate the diversity with which we approach death and cope with the death of loved ones. Do you have insightful cultural practices by which you have said farewell to your loved ones? Write to us at <email>. We would love to share your story."
Links
https://www.theasa.org/publications/asaonline/articles/asaonline_0102.shtml
:https://www.funeralwise.com/grief/
https://eprints.soas.ac.uk/33777/1/11010550.pdf
https://www.villagevolunteers.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Luo-Cultural-Guide1.pdf
https://www.dw.com/en/burial-rites-how-some-kenyans-opt-for-cremation/a-17998034
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/10-things-i-learned-while_b_5923558